5 Stages of Travel

“Travel is the only thing you spend money on that makes you richer,” “Crave Culture,” “Live. Love. Travel.” We have seen these phrases posted with cute little pictures hanging on walls for inspiration to go out and travel and every time we want to run into a wall on purpose. They should post a picture of running three miles to catch the only train to Sweden that day, the bag drag through a random country looking for a room, and an epic view from the top of a mountain because yes, travel is awesome, but no, it is not always perfect. 

Throughout my years of travel I have developed the Gibson Girl 5 Stages of Travel. Years of research, scientific experiments, and not being able to find tampons in Eastern Europe have led me to this great discovery. 

Stage 1: The first month of travel is the honeymoon phase. The excitements of all of the planning and hard work have finally paid off. You have landed in a foreign country you have only dreamed about. It only takes a few days for your camera to be filled with street corners that later you won’t even be able to tell apart, churches, buildings, and the unique foods you’ve ordered. This is a great phase-- everything is exciting and new and you are ready for anything thrown your way. 

Stage 2: Don’t worry, you should never lose your passion for travel but it is okay to be homesick every now and then, and this is what month two is for. We like to call it the Second Month Blues. You crave a little more McDonald’s than usual, call home a little more, search for wi-fi a little harder, hell, you may even tear up when your mom posts a picture of her wearing your shirt to the grocery store. Fear not, it passes, and it is always good to remember: You have to go home eventually. 

Stage 3: This is a new stage that has been added by the lovely gentlemen at Amsterdam passport control: Deportation. This is the month where you are told, hopefully politely, by whoever checks your passport that, as an American citizen, you are only allotted 90 days within the Schengen (practically all of Europe) countries. Stage three consists of a little bit of panic and hysterics in scrambling to find a flight out to the United Kingdom then eventually on to the U.S. because, lets face it, no matter how much you save, no one can afford a month in the UK. Which leads us to stage 4… 

Stage 4: Reality sets in that you actually have to leave, followed by nerves, followed by the phrase: “Fuck it, we only have a month left.” This is a fun month, you plan for six months and are suddenly given two months of extra money which lead to awesome wine tasting bike rides through the Vienna countryside and caving in Budapest.

Stage 5: Denial and Acceptance. These get lumped together because there is no telling how each traveller will handle going back to the States, whether it be through deportation or voluntary, adjustment is hard. The best way to deal, I have found, is never go home without another ticket somewhere else. I may be deported in 4 weeks but my ticket back in exactly 2 months (the time it takes for a visa to reset) and one day, just to be safe, is already booked to Bergen, Norway to hike the Trolltunga pass. 

So yes, those inspirational posters of people standing on mountains or the blog posts about how incredible traveling is are all very true no matter how annoying they may be. What’s that other cheesy saying-- It’s not the destination it’s the journey? Yeah, that’s pretty lame but I get to say I lasted so long in Europe they kicked me out, and there is no better way to end a trip. But really where is the fun if everything goes according to plan? I am currently in Stage 4 of my trip and it will be the most epic stage 4 yet.