No Happy Endings Here

Is your name Rod and do you like to party? If you answer yes to the second part of that question then Patong is the place for you. If you do not like dirty streets, hordes of bars, and being hounded by people trying to get you to go to a Ping Pong show (not a table tennis show) then I suggest picking a different city.  

Patong is the largest city on the island of Phuket and the party hot spot. All of Thailand is similar to one big party but Patong seemed to strive for a new level.

Getting off the airport minibus our driver gave us very vague directions to the general area of where our hostel could be. He had dropped smack in the middle of Banglar Road, a walking street that was already on drink specials for the evening at 1 in the afternoon. The roads were cluttered with empty drink cups and people still recovering from the night before.

With only a slight struggle we arrived at Patong Backpackers hostel which was wedged between a massage parlor that advertised “No Sex” and a Crocs store. Up the flight of stares into the un-air conditioned common room we were greeted by Mamma who never stopped trying to pull money out of our hands—deposit for the towels, deposit for the keys, deposit for just breathing.  Our original booking for 8 nights (too long anywhere for a backpacker) dropped to 4 nights. The dorm room was that of a crime scene, beds stripped of sheets revealing stains I will never un-see and, of course, one roommate a night claiming bed bugs-- thank God Santa brought me a sleep sack this Christmas.

Coming from Bangkok where you could survive on pocket change if it was all you had, Patong was expensive. Dinner for two went from two-dollar street food to no street food and twenty-dollars for a restaurant.

I enjoy a drink, but pushing through crowds like a salmon swimming up stream is not worth my 120 baht Chang beer. The only happy ending here is from the "No Sex" massage parlor next door. If you enjoy a good few nights out then, by all means, book your next trip to Patong, but this little wanderer is happily purchasing her bus ticket to the sleepy little Phuket Town at the end of this 4 day (feels like a 4 month) stay.