All righty, so let’s talk about this past week.

If you want to read the steps scroll down to the bold HOW TO NOT GET HACKED but you should read it too so this doesn’t happen to you!

As most of you know if you follow me on Instagram, my account was hacked last week, and I want to give you everything that happened, step-by-step, with full instructions on how to set up your accounts to not get hacked. I’ll tell this story in my usual comedic way but I will tell you that I was far from laughing, I have not cried this hard since I got dumped 4 years ago. And I honestly thought I was going to have to find a new job. I was not at all positive I would ever get it back and I was incredibly negative and awful for at least 4 days. I drank way too much wine and I barely ate. No RAGRETS.

First and foremost, I want to explain how I make money off of Instagram. Among all the really nice messages I received from followers about how glad they are that everything turned out OK, there were some pretty mean ones as well. Saying it’s just social media, it’s not a real job, and other really mean things like that. So first off, if you don’t have anything nice to say please unfollow me and don’t message me because I don’t have a filter and will be rude right back and I don’t know if you can handle it, secondly, this is just as much a job as any other and honestly one of the hardest I have ever had.

Each and every week I work hard to create content for you whether it be creative, travel related, or a where-to-eat around Orlando, or a city I’ve been traveling to. For every like, comment, share, and save, my numbers go up and help me to beat the Instagram algorithm and keep doing what I am doing. For every sponsored content I post it is a product I truly believe in and really want to share with you guys (shout out to pretty litter cause it saved Jonah’s life).

For every viewer that comes to this blog you are supporting my business and it has taken me years to build it. So when this happened, it was essentially as if the company I had been working for went under and there was no severance package.

Ok, I’ll get down off my pedal stool and just say thank you to all of my readers and followers and all your support shopping my links, your likes, comments, shares, and saves. MOVING ON!

Last Saturday I received an email from Vici, a very popular clothing brand that I have actually been dying to work with. I read through it quickly, being a few margaritas into my FSU game I didn’t want to respond right away. Monday morning rolled around and I took a closer look at the email. There were some strange grammar mistakes, I read it over and over again and weighed the pros and cons of replying. I could be fake, but it could be real, so I responded.

The girl responded back with a really strange response. Clarifying that it was Vici that she was working for and provided a link to their Instagram. I follow Vici, I didn’t need to click the link. I responded again with my rates for posting and asked for the parameters of the campaign.

She never responded.

Wednesday morning I was out for a walk when I received an email saying “Someone is logging into your account from Apopka, Florida, is this you?” We all know I am not a calm person so I immediately panicked and called my mom, who yelled at me to snap out of it. She was able to follow the link that said “If this wasn’t you click here to secure your account” and get back into to my account. We set up two-factor authentication, which I didn’t have on which is bad, and I relaxed.

We were heading downtown to get some content for my Orlando guide that I was supposed to finish for you today (update: its not finished because I just wallowed all weekend). As we were pulling into the Wellborn parking lot I received an email.

Hello!

Your account has been hacked and temporarily blocked! We do not want to spoil your account and waiting for an answer 2 hours! If you do not answer, we begin to clear your account (delete photos and account) Sorry! Wait

Obviously I rolled my eyes at this and thought this was a total fake email. Turns out, this was my hacker, who was opening a line of communication.

It took me an hour of trying to get back into my account that I finally responded with extreme expletives to which he told me to be nicer. F*&% that.

He told me that for the return of my account it would be $250. That’s right, my Instagram was being helped for ransom and I was officially in the middle of a Denzel Washington movie plot and the only thing missing is Dakota Fanning.

I of course asked all the questions you are asking now:

How do I know you won’t delete the account anyway?
Who are you and why are you doing this?
$250 is not that much but enough to be inconvenient so why this amount?
How did you get into my account with 2-factor on?

The answers are as follows:

You don’t know but he said all he wanted was the money not the account.
He’s Russian, I know because some of his emails were in Russian and I had to translate it
Anything above $250 is a felony, this is just a misdemeanor
They hacked my email first, deleted all Instagram emails and took 2-factor off.

Moving on to your next questions: Did you pay them!?

Short answer: yes, I did.

Long answer: he wanted fucking bitcoin cause he’s a criminal, excuse my language.

When I asked for payment instructions he responded with steps to paying in bitcoin. He obviously didn’t do his research because in the state of Florida there is only one bitcoin buying platform you can use, and it won’t be available for 2 weeks because they want to vet and run your drivers license. Yes, I had to upload my drivers license to buy the bitcoin, and yes I’m terrified I’m on some kind of list now but in all honesty I’m probably already on it from my shenanigans while traveling so I don’t loose sleep over it.

I purchase $500 in bitcoin all of which is still not available to me.

I began pleading with anyone and everyone I had in my phone to help me with bitcoin. One of my best friends even reached out to an estranged friend who she hadn’t talked to in a year for me. That is real friendship right there. Get yourself a Maggie friends. (The person was really rude back and I kinda hope she reads this because you were no help).

Anyway. My friend Brooks was able to figure out a way to get bitcoin because he already had an account (he’s not a criminal and I did not mean to imply that everyone who has bitcoin is a criminal I’m just sensitive about this jackass) Ok, so Brooks got the bitcoin.

Let me fill you in on the timeline. I got that email at 1:30 pm. It is now 11:30 at night. I received the instructions for bitcoin at 5:30, this is how long this emotionally draining hostage situation has been going on.

Books sends the bitcoin. Shit head hacker says “15 minutes”

So I wait, I wait and I wait and I wait and guess what. HE DIDN’T GIVE THE ACCOUNT BACK.

Those of you who are saying “I KNEW IT!” I kinda did too but it was worth the risk for me. So I began the process to try and recover the account. Instagram’s help page sucks and they are the worst. My mom watched every Youtube video possible to try and get it back and all turned up empty handed. We turned to Facebook to share the story in hopes of gaining any kind of attention.

I emailed Instagram 327 times. They didn’t answer. But some angel of a human saw my post, he worked for Facebook. I don’t know what he did but he rescued my freaking account. If it wasn’t for him I would still be sitting here jobless right now and probably crying into a bottle of wine at 11am on a Monday, but THANK THE LORD FOR JR!!!!! I’m going to send him an edible arrangement.

So, if you don’t have a JR who can get you into your account the process takes a very long time and its awful but, you never know what can happen when you turn to your virtual Facebook friends.

Once I was in the account, I followed all the steps to secure it and make sure this (hopefully) doesn’t happen again. I am low key paranoid that once I post this it will happen again but now I’m prepared.

HOW TO NOT GET HACKED

Step One: GMAIL

The number one way these guys get in is through your email account. I have Gmail. These dicks go into your email first, there they can request to change the password, and have all the emails right there open so they don’t notify on your phone. Once this is done they delete all emails from Instagram so you’re none the wiser. Gmail is still the safest email according to every search engine. But they don’t offer a chance to get into your deleted mail, that’s ok cause you’ll be prepared.

IF YOU HAVE ALREADY BEEN HACKED AND YOU DON’T HAVE GMAIL

Your email provider will have an option to pay $12-$14 to get into your deleted mail, pay it and you can access the deleted email that says “secure your account” there you can make it into the account

HOW TO SECURE YOUR GMAIL

Chang your password. Don’t create your own password. Here you can use the Google generated password for something ridiculous like: lakjfpoiwIOUEWRH0912++0283109 that you can never remember and just write it down.
Set up 2-Factor authentication. Put in your phone number so you receive a text every time someone tries to log into your account.
Set up the app verification. Her you can put in questions or a message to text back if you account as been hacked.

Step two: INSTAGRAM

These ones are weird and will surprise you.

Take your Gmail email address out of your bio and off of your contact options. If you’re like me who gets a lot of inquires this way I am sorry to say that this is how they got me. Instead make your bio say “DM for collaborations” if you’re on other collaboration sites like I am this won’t really be an issue.
Set up 2-factor authentication. Again, put in your phone number so you can be notified and they won’t be able to get into your account without a super secret code.

Step Three: SET UP A RECOVERY EMAIL

I don’t care if you have 18 email addresses, if you’ve ever given it out to someone, it’s considered “compromised” create an email address that has nothing to do with anything and is strictly your recovery email. THEN DON’T TELL ANYONE. The point is it is SECRET. put it in your IF I GO MISSING folder and thats it.

Step Four: DO YOU PAY THE ASSHOLE?

I am pretty convinced that if I hadn’t paid him they would have permanently deleted my account so I was willing to take the risk, if you aren’t I understand because they probably won’t give it back they just won’t permanently delete it so that’s your decision.

IF YOU HAVE BEEN HACKED AND DELETED LIKE ME

If you have been hacked and you can’t get into your account, Instagram isn’t answering and you don’t have a JR, you had 2-factor on and this bastard still got in. Every Youtube video will take about a “purple screen”.

WHAT THE F IS THE PURPLE SCREEN

If you’re account as been “deleted” and you see the “we see you’ve requested to delete this account” in red pop up when you try to log in with your recovery code, you will think all hope is lost. It isn’t. You see, there is an actual way to reach the famous purple screen. In really light grey font above where you put your code in you will see a link that says “request more assistance” click that! That will take you to the purple screen where you will enter your super secret email address, your username, and a brief description with a lot of exclamation marks and within 24 hours you will receive an email.

In that email you will have to prove the account is yours, you will upload a selfie, you will have to do all kinds of hoops but they will get back to you.

I didn’t know about the email thing so I kept getting error messages. YOU NEED A DIFFERENT EMAIL.

Then the agony of waiting sets in. If you are like me you submitted the claim at least 100 times.

MAJOR TAKE AWAYS

My number one suggestion is to turn to Facebook. Have everyone you know share what happened to you then make sure they message you.

Never open respond to an email with bad grammar, they don’t speak English.

Never click on any links in any emails.

Panicking doesn’t help. But you will anyway.

I would pay the guy because you never know.

REPORT THAT SHIT! The following crimes have been committed by my little shit head hacker and I have reported him for all of them to the FBI and Orange County Cyber Crimes department.

Intellectual property theft
Extortion
Blackmail
Theft
I think there is more but I’ll have to ask my mom

You might think I’m dramatic but in our day and age of all this technology you can’t just say “oh well” you have to report them because even if they are in Russia or up the street in Apopka, if I ever meet them I will hit them.

I hope you find this helpful and I hope you never get hacked and I hope that the guy who hacked my account wakes up every morning and steps on a thumb tack.

GOODBYE:)